On Violence

A funny anecdote

Howdy,

We published our fourth episode this mourning on Shoulder to Shoulder: Untold Stories From a Forgotten War. It’s a great show, though we had some technical difficulties. We’re learning. Thanks for your patience.

On that front, I’m going to invest in this here product. Yesterday, I filed the paperwork for Grump Combat Veteran Media, LLC. I have some cash to invest and all the time in the world to give it a go.

I’m deeply grateful for everyone who takes the time to read and listen to us. Your support means the world to us.

So we will add some more stuff - different authors and podcasts. More to follow.

It’s fun to create. I love doing it. After 20 years in the military, making my own decisions feels liberating.

I'm happy you’re joining us. Please share our content if you find it meaningful and suggest improvements. I can’t reply to every comment, but I do read them.

Without further ado

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I like to work out—a lot. I’m not some super-strong guy, but I like to get after it.

That’s why I’ve been doing CrossFit for nearly 12 years. I got into it in Ghorak, Kandahar, doing Village Stability Operations with a team from 7th Group.

When we weren’t doing the mission, there wasn’t much to do, and the gym was limited, but it had the essentials. Will M, a member of the Operational Detachment Alpha (ODA - like the A-Team, but a real one), was a monster.

One day at the gym, I was doing something that probably wasn’t very impressive.

He looked at me and said, “Bro, when are you going to start doing squats or something.”

“My knees hurt, and I don’t do squats because the doctor said I shouldn’t.”

“Pfft. Do your little knees hurt, Chair Force?”

Now, I’m not some billy badass. I’m a horrible shot. And while I’ve been in a few fights, I haven’t won them all. I provide all that because this guy (Will) would’ve killed me. He was the best soldier I ever fought alongside.

He spoke Dari. He could shoot, move, and communicate with ease. He also understood the Afghans in a way that others didn’t. The Afghans respected him — and not because they wanted something from him.

So, after he called me out, I started lifting. And I fell in love—I really got into it. I was single then, so it was obviously for different reasons BC (Before Charity). Now I do it because it’s the closest to combat I get anymore. That rush when violence is near. Oh, Dear G*d, inject that into my veins.

Combat is so addictive.

Ernest Hemmingway said it best, “There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it never care for anything else thereafter.”

Yes. That’s it.

So when I get enraged over something, I go hard to the paint. Working out is the poor man’s psychologist.

(If I could only stop eating all those ding dongs!)

Over the past few days, I’ve been going hard at CrossFit for various reasons. And I’ve been scaring the shit out of the people at this particular Crossfit gym. Now, this gym is fantastic. It’s the nicest CrossFit gym I’ve ever seen.

But it’s a bit bougie for me. The door has a quote from Mother Theresa. No disrespect to Mother Theresa—she did more with her life than most men dream of. But that’s not how I like to party.

Now, I’ve been going here for a month. During that time, I’ve already had a few PTSD episodes. I had a flashback a few weeks ago, and I also nearly killed a coach after he touched my shoulder from behind.

WHOA. Easy killer. I don’t like that.

Nevertheless, I went back yesterday, and the workout was a monster. I just kept adding more weight and losing myself in the rage. One of the coaches walked up to me and jokingly said, “Wow, Will, did you wake up in the morning and choose violence?”

My eyes got super wide, and I exclaimed, “FUCK YES. I CHOOSE VIOLENCE IN THE MORNING EVERY DAY!”

I scared the ever-loving shit out of these people. LOL. It was amazing.

I thought the coach had seen the real me for a few seconds. Yes, bro, I love choosing violence in the morning! Let’s fucking go!

I was back in the Valley, gearing up. My mind had wandered into getting my battle rattle ready, taking a monster dip of Cope, and tasting that sweet juice. I remembered all of it, and I was raging.

For a brief moment in time, I was back in Afghanistan, and I loved it. G*d help me. I miss it every day. The best time of my life (BC) was downrange. Inject that purpose back into my heart.

I provide all of this because I want people to realize that while war is awful, it’s also the most fantastic rush in the world. And there’s nothing wrong with admitting it. It doesn’t make you a monster. It makes you human.

Because, as Hemmingway said, there’s nothing quite like it, and sometimes I escape back into that moment.

So, if you see a Grump Combat Vet raging at the gym, I promise we won’t kill you. We’re just going to our happy place.

Until Next Time.