'I Feel Nervous, Daddy'

Plus: Sara Davidson

As I put my daughter down to change her diaper, my wife, the lovely Charity, asked her, “Are you ok, honey?”

“I’m,” she said haltingly. “I’m nervous.”

And my heart immediately melted.

I bent over and kissed her little head, placed my hand on her heart and placed her hand on my heart and whispered softly, “It’s ok to be nervous. I get nervous all the time.”

Her eyes met mine.

“Let’s breathe together so we’re not nervous.”

And so we began.

“When you’re feeling bad, and you wanna roar,” I sang. “Take a deep breath and count to four.”

She took a deep breath while I counted.

“Four”

She released her breath and looked up at me with her beautiful brown eyes. She smirked briefly before moving on to the next thought that raced before her swirling mind.

Like her old man, her mind is constantly moving. I can see her trying to decipher patterns, tracking how one thing matches another. She has a beautiful mind, but carrying that type of weapon inside your noggin is not easy.

Her autism makes her unique and gives her insight that few see. However, that comes with a cost. It’s tough to have a mind that consumes vast amounts of information and can link seemingly disparate points. It will make her unpopular among people in power—which can hurt if you’re not careful.

Why?

Because nobody wants to hear how their plans aren’t going to work.

With a mind like hers, she will face those obstacles. I can see how frustrated she gets when people don’t understand her. I get it. It drives me nuts. I hate having to repeat myself. Like her daddy, she’s not the most patient person. She even tells me to zip it up—and it happens quite often.

Over the last five months, as I’ve started to heal from these wars, my bond with her has grown stronger. I still struggle sometimes to put on her seatbelt, but now she helps me when I tense up. Last week, when I was starting to get anxious because I couldn’t get her out of her seatbelt, she grabbed my arm and said, “Four.”

That’s my daughter.

I have time to prepare her for the world, and I will. While I work with her to train that M240B for a brain, I will also try to counsel her about her gift. In turn, she cries alongside me and tells me she loves me. She helps me heal, and I will ensure she thrives.

It’s a beautiful relationship. I can’t wait to experience it unforld.

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Sara’s Blog

Sara Davidson, my old Senior Enlisted Advisor, is an integral part of GCV. Lord knows we need some adult supervision around here. But, lo and behold, Sara, is also quite the writer.

There is a standard of living that has become commonplace that includes comforts so ingrained into our daily lives that we don’t even realize they are nonessential-until they’re not essential. In environments where life is at risk, lifestyle is a concept that does not exist. The only thing that matters is being prepared to fight for your life. Mentally, the fight is not if, but when. In reality, it might never come. But, you don’t let yourself believe that because if you do, complacency begins to set in.

Don’t worry. She’ll be writing and appearing on our podcasts very soon.

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A Busy Week

Phew. I’m exhausted.

This week, we had a lot of great content. You heard from an ANASOC Commando and our buddies at Global Friends of Afghanistan. We had articles in The Bulwark and Long War Journal, plus

Kate Kovarovic

wrote a great article on Haqqani and Moral Injury.

Next week, we’re going to hit the ground running, too. You’ll hear from one of our dear friends and also a three-star Afghan general. We will also have a couple of guest writers—and, of course, more snark from me!

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Until Next Time.